I am a creative...get me out of this box

Ego! Just allow me be….Please!

I started this blog last year and I wrote like my life was ebbing away, posted like I was running from the smell of a fart (but with blinkers on) consistently in the honeymoon period then nothing….nada…cobwebs in my writing part of my brain. I did start a lot of posts but never finished them and so they sit, in the graveyard of abandoned blogs. I have many ideas and stories and so desperately want to tell them but then crickets, major distraction and eventually shiny object syndrome sets in. If you have not heard of the term shiny object syndrome it is when you start a new idea but then something shinier catches your attention and you move onto that, so you end up never finishing anything. I also have to battle with a love of starting new things, challenging myself to try something new or learning, once I have achieved that, adios. It is added to my file in life of ‘been there, done that’ which makes my life exciting and forever evolving but there is a part of me that gets frustrated but then I realised why – I put myself into a box, but I am a free-writing, comedy writer and creative who likes to be out of the box.

Take my blog – I wanted to tailor it specifically to women over 50 that have found themselves having to start over. For me, I thought I would have it all figured out by the age of 50 as that is what I see all over the media and the messages that when you hit 50 you are this desirable being especially by younger men (if you are single) as you are supposed to know what you want and do not need anything. Then, we are supposed to be established in our careers, have a stable life and money in the bank. That is not the case with me and from what I see, a lot of other women. I really do feel there are not a lot of role models out there who have been through this or are going through it, so I wanted to be one of those women to show that we don’t all have it together and come on a journey with me whilst I rebuild a life.

I envisaged weekly stories which are based on real life but also embellished for entertainment purposes. As I said, all started well and I was posting and writing consistently THEN it happened…I stopped, I lost my mojo and the posts stopped and I found a new toy to play with, new distractions and reasons why I should not write.

I found myself on a spin cycle with the universe and I kept just getting shit thrown at me one ‘lesson’ after another which caused my energy levels to plummet and motivation to have a slower death than someone being killed on death row.

I noticed that all the building of my life was internal and frustratingly, I did not have funny stories to tell as I wasn’t doing anything. Well, it did not appear I was doing anything apart from eating too much as I was trying to stuff feelings back down the universe had sent me to sort through, crying a lot….just because and oh the fatigue was immense so all I could do was  spend days, weeks and months in the same routine. But through all the shit I was going through I realised what had happened, I had put myself in a box, like one of those you have to tick your age – how come that never gives you the option to tick what age do you feel like today? Anyway, I digress…I had put limitations on my writing, blog and me and what I share and that is why I stopped.

I am a marketing nightmare as I cannot niche myself or target my writing – I want freedom to be able to write what I want and whoever appreciates it will find it, as long as I stay true to myself. I hear all the time that creators or coaches saying if I manage to help one person then I have won – I don’t actually believe that, why stop at just one person? If my message is powerful enough then it should be bigger – the vision, the dream should be big and want to inspire masses. That message is because they do not believe enough in that moment or I believe they are giving themselves a ‘get out of free’ card.

Sophie, you are digressing again! Okay, back to it. Writing for me as you may be able to tell is a way of me sharing my thoughts, which I have been told is full of wisdom. My strengths are I have a unique voice alongside having tried so much in life and learnt heaps, so writing is my way of communicating.

Alas, I have decided to resurrect my short lived blog and just goddam write. Long, short, even just one sentence but it is going to be powerful and inspirational. I am not going to necessarily ‘target’ specific people – I will attract those who want to read it.

So, I guess the question is – are you putting yourself in a box? Is it your comfort zone? Is it society? Is it because other people are telling you to?

What would happen if you ripped open the box? And just said that you ‘I refuse to play small’. Look behind the scenes, question, go within and listen to what your gut is saying.

I am very glad I have had that time to be introspective and allowed the space to do that even though I tantrumed like a toddler having the last chocolate taken away. I have changed in ways that only I can see but it has supported my journey and I think the biggest lesson is that it is not over until the fat lady sings and thank fuck I cannot get a note out.

I am officially back….

I would love to say the reason for my absence has been because Hollywood called and wanted me to make my movie (now that is out there for the universe to grab by the nutsacks and fly away with) but sadly it was much more down to earth and no man’s genitalia was involved (now that is even sadder!) The real truth is I got so caught up in my head to the point that I could not live up to the expectation I put on myself of what this blog was going to be, so it rendered me paralyzed of free-thinking, playing, imagination and the bigger picture so I stopped writing which is the saddest of all.

But now – here I am free flowing and living with and in my true me and authenticity…so enjoy.